It helps me monitor my state of calm.

I mod: daemonmuses . containthetruth (coming soon) . youareactivated (coming soon) . and I rp on milliways_bar rather frequently. Really, that's it. If you still want to friend me:

( FOR YOUR EYES ONLY: CLASSIFIED )

So I had a major reality check this weekend in that here I am at the Fourth of July Parade/Picnic where we were insanely busy and I was reading all the fun tweets and twits and FB posts from people and I was just like-

Fuck. This. I don't need to hear about how everybody else but me is having a great time. So I maintain-regardless-that the Universe kinda reached down and decided, y'know what? What happened to your epic plan of epic? Where was your life change kidlet? Here. Let me remind you of it.

So I ordered a burrito from Los Primos and ate it and promptly got so sick that I threw up all over myself and all over the bathroom. At work. Let's discuss akward. Plus, it was a good burrito.

This is what I learned from this experience. If I want to have a good time I really have to work for it-and even all the people out in the hot sun baking and having a good time really don't have anything on me cause my funtimes is coming....And I've really got to stop the kavetching. If I looked on the brightside chances are my boss would be more understanding, my friends would be more understanding, and they'd think I was more...dependable. Which-I'm not.

I have to accept that. I have a problem. DEAR WORLD. I AM A FLAKE.

Which is-sixty forty percent my fault. Sixty percent because alot of the time I have a very ME attitude, but given my home life...can you blame me? And 40 percent because...the way I am I'm easily distracted and am bipolar. sorry kids, it's a fact. It's part of my disorder.

Now you might say that's a cop-out, but it's sadfacts.

so....I got my karmatic retribution and learned to take joy in others happiness because soon mine will be coming. How did I forget that?

Besides. In two weeks. COMIC CON.

Oh my god I can hardly breathe. It's going. to be. EPIC. on so many different levels. And in the meantime I can work toward good shit.

Anyway-you really wanna know it's the end of Sharkweek. YAYYYYY! no more sharkweek! :D I think that's a stroke in the right direction don't you? ;)

First of all, BIG THANK YOU to whoever bought me a paid acccount!! There is nothing nearly as enjoyable as going online and clicking on your icons and expecting the fifteen you thought you'd get finding TONS more! That like, literally made my day.

SECOND of all. darkspectre My phone battery nearly died and I was at Disneyland and preoccupied with trying to contact my daddy. *huge huggles* I will call you tomorrow at the earliest, or failing that see if you're on meebo tonight since I'm closing and I want to get together with you.

And before I get to Birthday weekend of amazing, Let me share a brief recap in the terms of where Carolyn has been for the time since she was...well, not here with all you kind people. ;)

( Bob, my oil pressure's through the roof right now. If this gets any more exciting, they're gonna have to tow me out of the booth! )

Okay. Enough with the catch-up.

FRIDAY:

ATTK performs the last friday of every freakin' month. It's amazing. It's my release. I get to hang out with amazing people, I chat, we eat at IHop til 5 am.

This show, we had two people missing and I finally got something that doesn't make me look like crap when I do legal assassin (oh my god oh my god I still cannot believe I performed in front of Tony looking like a total choad! *emocry*)

Plus. I had make up. How freakin' cool is that? I bought some because Amanda (facsmilie daughter, not stage manager) said that I looked like a ghost up front but we had somebody doing basic stuff (This is Kat. darkspectre I have talked to Bernie but he's out of town. Email him again, I don't know if she's going to do it all the time) So I have my makeup and I have my stuff and I'm utterly loving my performance. I'm feelin it y'know?

So I get up and I do legal assassin and afterwords everybody's like, you rocked! And then Amanda (stage manager, not facsmilie daughter) is all, "YEah, she was totally rocking it" Plus, I have an AWESOME idea for my very own gag. I thought I was open before, but HAW. This could be so much better.

Which gets to the final news. Apparently (according to taradammit and Lotte, our producer) They want to do a preshow with Nathan and Repo! (pardon me while I squee) doing this song

Confrontation Lyrics

Ohhhh my god if we could do it for June? Or July? I have ideas on how to stage this. (I actually spent a good portion of my night storyboarding it out.) Of course, I won't be going anywhere until I have video and a presentation of it (because if I've learned anything from King Douchebag (AKA dlb) is that you go in with a presentation. And now that taradammit and others have figured out how to get video on my camera...

I feel a hell of alot more connected to them after this weekend. Everybody, It's like...I had the happy and I can't go away anymore. I can't leave my friends behind-not even my LJ friends (hello friends!) For some reason, mankind wants me to stick around, screwed up as I am. 'nough on that for the moment however.

Saturday Saturday was Disneyland day, and Bonehead is bonehead who forgot her freakin' ID (I actually forgot my boots too, but I got some neat galoshes that I'm breaking in at work since they're slip resistent so I won't be in intense fucking pain next show)

Word of advice, if you want to break in shoes, do so at Disneyland.

Tara did something incredibly amazing however for me which was to purchase a parkhopper pass (oh my god I was literally floored) so that not only could I go to both parks, but go again with the Repo Crew (since disneyland is apparently sanitarum Square what?) and others since I have a free "voucher" good til the end of the summer for a Disneyland day since I missed it on my birthday.

Anyway! FIRST we went to this awesome place called the carnation cafe with MEATLOAF that was the best loaf I have ever had with mushrooms and potatoes. That which gave me fuel throughout the day (practically to the nighttime, no lie) where we met Tara's crew and got the best fucking news ever. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I know a Queen, and not one of the strange ones (or one of the not strange ones) since she totally got her call for her audition while she was at Disneyland. Better yet, I know Queen Elizabeth and I might honestly have an opportunity to go up to see her perform which makes me very happy.

(going with father not so happy, but. *headdesk*)

Tara's friends were absolutely amazing and we did the walk through adventureland before we hit the Haunted Mansion which-FYI-is Nathan's favorite ride (simply because it's like going home. NO SERIOUSLY. Bad idea to go through the ride going, "I'M HOME! WHERE'S MY CREEPY LAB IN THE BASEMENT!?!") So I insisted that we take Repo Pictures in character, Nathan in the graveyard, blind mag by the horse (wearing mouse butt. HEE HEE. MOUSEBUTT) our scalpel slut looking all dejected and Rachel looking all, "who are you people?

Also had great moment going, "MARNI! MARRNIII-" when the bride showed up in the attic. Yes. I am insane. Shut up.

After this, a couple of people had to bail and we watched a very moving flag retreat ceremony and headed over to park number two where I got to fufill a life-long dream and ride the tower of terror. (...I'm a simple person...) I-back before I got a measure of control-flitted from obsessions like a bee to flowers that smell awesome and one of these was the Tower of Terror. I'm not ashamed to say there was fanfiction (given that I was like, thirteen at the time) So when I should have been absolutely terrified I was all, "OHMGOHMG-III'M DOOIIINNNG EEET" and Falen was shaking like a leaf so she sat next to Tim and hid while I had the best time.

After which we went to the midway and I got a Zydrate-tini which meant a ton to me because when I was 21 I bought my own first drink and spent it by myself. No, this was my official first 21rst birthday. Seriously.

We closed the evening on Space Mountain which was amazing because I had the brilliant Idea to shout out star trek lines whilst doing it and there is NOTHING like going thirty miles an hour and yelling, "I CAN'T DEFY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS CAP'N! WARP SPEED MR SCOT!"

Plus, one of the best things about the park (especially on the birthday) was the fact that all the park employees wished you a happy birthday when they saw your button (YAY BUTTON!) and They were totally willing to play around. We had the best attendant on the tower of terror.

Attendant: Any problems with you folks?
Me: Yes, I want to complain about the towels in my room? There totally weren't enough.
Attendant: Really. Just the towels?

Me: Hey, what's with the stuff outside? Did something happen to that elevator back there?
Attendant: Yeah, you know-that's why we're putting you through to the service elevator.
Me: ooooh.

Me: I'm bothered by all the sounds of matinence around our elevator
Attendant: That's nice. It's just to make sure it's in working order.
Me: ohhh. I feel better now.

I am a troublemaker with good reason. What good is a place that's supposed to be about dreams if you can't pretend?

Answer me that and I'll be normal.

Sunday

I SAW STAR TREK.

And I call McCoy if Lotte can't convince Tara to do it because dayum. coming home is best not discussed. I'm done thinking about the sad. My father knows where I stand. The end.

I also bought (REALLY CHEAPLY! DON'T YELL AT ME!) the Jekyll and Hyde soundtrack because if Lotte Really wants that pre-show I'm going to knock it out of the fucking ballpark.

I call This as my official themesong. I tried it when I was eighteen. I'm ready to go and be what everyone seems to know that I can be. I just hope this optimism lasts since we all know that Nothing ever lasts in this world.

I can sure as hell try.

Okay so-a mishamash of poor planning on Carolyn's part (Because in all honesty, how can you expect me to go from Mira Mesa-where I wouldn't get off until at least 230-to a doctor's appointment at 230 (whut?) to Jack in the Box at 3 where I have to be till 11 o'clock at night?

No, regardless of me trying to be much more adult about things, there's no way that I can do it. I don't have the gas or the resources. Thankfully, brad at the base was really understanding and I vow hearby to do something productive after I've updated this because I've been horrifically neglectful because I've suddenly developed...something that I think vaguely resembles an existence beyond the internet.

No: That's not fair. I can't say that in all fairness. It's not true either because milliways_bar was my first outside-the-internet community and has seen me through the goodtimes and the bad.

Which is ironic given that people insist that I blog on a regular basis. (apparently people like reading my blogging posts on facebook?) so I'm back because...

(Honestly, I left because my paid account expired and just when I was about to y'know, fix it my money situation became highly precarious. >< Dammit, I want my ASH and my Josh Brolin icons back. T-T)

Because I missed livejournal and I missed livejournal friends and I definately think I have alot more to talk about now besides RP puppets and family issues/dramu? (Although there's a good deal of Dramu.

...Despite that, for the next few posts there's going to be "Catch ups" in which I explain just what I've been doing for the 21 weeks that I did not update my LJ. (Because what a couple of weeks!

I'd also like to introduce you all to berniebrad, taradammit and aziraphales who are in fact Grave Robber, Blind Mag, and Shilo number one-in Addicted to the knife. Given the way that people network on this shit, you should check them out because they're all amazing fucking people and I said so. ;)

( Just what is Addicted to the Knife you may ask? (warning! picture heavy!) )

Hey guys! seriously, seriously-guess where I am rite now? No seriously! Guess!

I'm totally AT STARBUCKS AND ONLINE.

YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT. AT STARBUCKS. AND.ON.LIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNEEE.

Nathan (pats laptop) shall be introduced later. Totally so named because I wanted to be able to say "turning Nathan on"

.....That's right. I went there. :D